TL;DR Didn't Buy the Car™: version 3.0

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
09/12/2016 at 23:49 • Filed to: craigslist, car shopping

Here’s the list of things that the seller did not reveal about the vehicle, if at all, until I had driven two hours to bum-fuck nowhere to drive it.

1. It was yet ANOTHER “1-owner” vehicle being sold by someone who was not the owner.
2. Nice dent in the rear fender, that as far as I can tell, was deliberately photoshopped out of the ad.
3. Lots of paint and clearcoat missing on the hood and rear. When I compare to the ad, I also suspect photoshopping for this.
4. Ad claimed tires were good, but once we started driving, he said that the rear should probably be replaced asap!
5. When you cranked the wheel all the way either direction, the power steering pumped SCREAMED like a banshee. Never heard anything like it.
6. The vehicle drove like it was wobbling.
7. Everything squeaked and rattled like mad.

This was a modern vehicle, folks. Not some FX Corolla.

Guy was shady as fuck. He twice tried turning the volume of the stereo — way up — to cover up the concerning noises. “It has a great sound system!” The best part was that while he went on and on about how good the vehicle was, he pointed ahead and said, “Oh yeah, this school bus stop is a good turnaround and then we can head back.” We had been driving for maybe two minutes. I knew which road headed towards a highway, but he purposely guided me down a road that you could go maybe 40mph on, briefly, and tried to keep the test drive to under, what, seven minutes? Probably just short enough for the CEL to not turn back on or some other horrible flaw to reveal itself.

DISCUSSION (29)

CB > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
09/12/2016 at 23:56

Craigslist is a great place. Thank goodness for Kijiji.

Berang > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
09/13/2016 at 00:01

what kind of car was it

Birddog > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
09/13/2016 at 00:03

God bless Craigslist!

Sorry you’re having a hard time here. Are you specifically going for an FX?

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Birddog
09/13/2016 at 00:04

No, it was a reference to the last time I posted about a shitty 1-owner car

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Berang
09/13/2016 at 00:06

A shitty one

Urambo Tauro > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
09/13/2016 at 00:14

Geez. Does he not realize that he’s wasting HIS OWN time by posting an ad that will attract buyers who aren’t going to like what they see when they see the car in person?

Berang > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
09/13/2016 at 00:14

I want to see this ad now.

Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
09/13/2016 at 00:15

I think I found a game more fun than finding you a random car, it’s “guess what car zoidberg drove” based on his cryptic post.

I’m going with what the ad calls a 2001 BMW CI.

TheHondaBro > Berang
09/13/2016 at 00:24

It's definitely an Allroad.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > TheHondaBro
09/13/2016 at 00:27

Such an adventure would deserve and extensive review, plus photos. Unfortunately, a manual allroad won’t be in my budget until past New Years.

Textured Soy Protein > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
09/13/2016 at 00:29

Best way to avoid these problems is to tell anyone you plan to meet from craigslist that you will meet them at a police station.

Not that it keeps people from being stupid, but it at least weeds out the shadier characters.

That said, I once met someone at my local police station who was texted me while I was at the gym which for some reason I responded to, whereupon they explained they were just passing through town so could I pretty please cut my workout short to meet them with my 17" tires I was selling, that they wanted to put on their Toyota Highlander that I learned upon my arrival was equipped with 16" wheels.

Also the guy who bought my Grand Cherokee insisted that he had a “1999 Cadillac CTS-V, it’s a V with the Corvette engine from before they officially started calling it the CTS-V,” and that the ‘05 Grand Cherokee Limited Hemi I was selling him was actually a Grand Cherokee SRT-8 from before they officially started calling it the SRT-8.

So yeah, meeting at the cop shop...

Kinja'd!!!